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Megas Edém - Examination of the Garden of Eden - First Parartima of the Megas Historia Stulos
Based on the relations of Sumerian, Ancient Greek and Christian mythologies
J.H. Reidhead III - 2024
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“And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden from the east, and he placed there the man whom he had formed. And the Lord God caused to sprout from the ground every tree pleasant to see and good to eat, and the Tree of Life in the midst of the garden, and the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil. Yea the river flowed out from Eden, and from there it separated and became four heads”
The garden of Eden. To some; it is the beginning of life and all things. To others; it is the jeweled garden of the mountain, where the gods reside. To everybody; the erection of a garden symbolizes the creation of life, as a garden can not grow without living things. Christianity describes it as “Eden”, where the ancient Greeks described it as “Edém”. They are both wrong, but the Greeks definitely came closer than the Christians.
I’du’um, directly translating from Sumerian into “Wise Men of the Water”, is what I believe to be the real origin of the story of Eden. But who are these wise teachers of the water? Where did they come from? To answer that question, we first need to eliminate the possibilities that it could not possibly be. The stories of Christianity are out. They are rooted in thousands of years of translation, interpretation, iconography and are solely intended to be a spiritual re-telling of stories that are far more well documented on older sources. This also eliminates the Hebrew, Catholic, Methodist, Mormon, Calvinist, Lutheran, Anglican, Baptist, and Nontrinitarian religions. These religions all use the bastardized story of Eden from the empire of Babylon, who were themselves bastardized Sumerians. Islam is also not of note, as their scripture does not depict Eden as a physical place; but rather the embodiment of paradise itself.
To uncover the origins of Eden, we must go back to the beginning. The Epic of Gilgamesh, actually written by the Neosumerians around the time of the Elam/Sumer conflict, is the oldest text we have depicting a garden of the gods. By this point in time, nearly half a millennium has passed since the original reign of the Emnerkar family that ended with the usurping of Gilgamesh. To trace the origins of Gilgamesh, to paint a clear picture, we must first translate what the word “Gilgamesh” actually means. When translated from Sumerian, “Gil ga a meš” translates directly into “Corrupted Prince of the Canals”. This is assuming a pre-bastardized version of Sumerian in which individual cuneiforms had very specific meanings, before they were twisted by our modern translators who cannot help but interpret things symbolically. This is also provable via direct translation of his predecessor “En mer kar” which translates to “Angry Lord of the Port”. That is a direct indication of sea travel, but more so a clear indication that the real names of the original kings of Sumeria are lost to time. We do not know who they are, or what they did. We can only infer by breaking down syllabically the language of bastardized Neosumeria.
Among our swell of grave robbing tourism grifters who desecrate the dead and remove bodies from where they were laid to rest; we have translators who believe they can interpret languages that have not been spoken or written for thousands of years. They actually do learn what things mean more often than not, but on the endless quest of the interpreter; The real meanings of very specific words are morphed and warped into mythological possibilities. The story of Sumeria goes back to a time before we are capable of viewing, possibly preceded by the Samarra culture. The bones of humans from the region have mostly disintegrated back into the Earth or were cremated. The papyrus literatures of the peoples from thousands of years have been burned, buried and lost in the sea. But from this very specific name, we can infer one very clear thing. The Neosumerians appeared to believe that Gilgamesh, whatever his real name was, was corrupt. The leader that predates Gilgamesh, Enmerkar, was seen as an angry man, likely a warlord who conquered Sumeria gradually from other people.
And then, there’s Lugalbanda. Lu gal ba an da, which translates from Sumerian into “Treacherous Eldest Son of the Sky House”. If we consider the Neosumerian use of the word “Lugal” to describe a king, we get “King of the Sky House” but this is just a bastardization from the Neosumerians. The sky house likely refers to the tower, probably used as a palace. The Lagashians themselves likely destroyed the literature of Old Sumeria. It is clear from the stone tablets depicting Lugalbanda that the Neosumerians worshiped him. They considered him “The Pure” which means they likely considered his treachery to be an act of righteousness.
All of these characters have one thing in common; Corruption. A long tradition of corruption. But as will all languages, we bastardize what we do not understand. If you didn’t know; Our entire understanding of Sumerian Cuneiform comes from a Rosetta Stone that was not actually written by the Sumerians. The stone in question was written by the Akkadians, Elamites, and Persians who are societies from thousands of years later. This post-dates the destruction of the Unified Cuneiform language, which was likely completely destroyed sometime around 3200 b.c. when the Empires engaged in the Mesopotamian front of World War Alpha. It is very likely that Unified Cuneiform itself pre-dates the arrival of the Anunnaki, dating back to a time when Atlantis, Latinus, Amazonas, and Australis were the four major empires of the global intercontinental trade grid. It is likely that the first ever Rosetta Stones were inscribed so that trade empires could communicate.
With that in mind, we can assume that Id’u’um is actually a bastardized Neosumerian account of the four seafaring civilizations. The “Four Heads” of the rivers of Eden are actually Atlantis, Latinus, Amazonas, and Australis. The “Sages of the water” are the sailors who have established a global trade economy, who then spread their knowledge of things like Agriculture, Animal Taming, Architecture, Fishing, Sailing, and Tailoring. They needed a way to write messages to each other, and so the four leaders of the four empires established the universal language of Cuneiform, evidenced by the earliest Latin writing being written in Cuneiform before the days of Phonics of Phoenicia. It is likely that as tribes grew into power, they began to modify this language as an attempt to hide their messages from the large powers. It is also likely that thousands of years of war caused much of the distortion, as these societies attempted to encode their messages to each other. Unified Cuneiform likely survived in very small capacity among the largest societies, having been spread by survivors of the pre-younger dryas empires. But by 3200 B.c. it was completely replaced by the Elamite, Neosumerian, Lagashian and Eblaite cuneiform bastardizations. Further onward, those bastardizations were themselves bastardized by the Babylonian, Judean, and Akkadian cultures. [See Megas Apokaluptó for Post-Dryas Mesopotamian Mediterranean empires]
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Megas Glóssa - Identifying the origin of Cuneiform via Self Translation
Second Paratima of the Megas Historia Stulos
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John's Laws of Single Syllabic Theory:
-All languages on Earth originate from single syllable words.
-All languages are bastardized beyond recognition from how they began
-The original cuneiform is single syllabic, and symbols are never conjunctive
-Single Syllabic languages did not conjoin Nouns, Verbs and Adjectives with median words.
-Georg Friedrich Grotefend was the only real "decipherer" of Cuneiform among the trinity of translators, and only of late Persian Cuneiform, but even that is debatable and was all guesswork.
-Henry Rawlinson and Edward Hincks are frauds. They never disclosed their means of translation. Rawlinson was an East Empire company soldier who attempted to destroy the linguistics of the Middle East to further the first Anglo-Afghan war. Hincks was a grave robber whose sole interest in the dead was to further the agenda of the Anglo-Canadian conquest of North America. These two frauds are responsible for the bastardization and eventual destruction of Cuneiform translation, and it was done in the name of 18th century British Colonialism.
Ku'na'hur'em, or when translated from itself "Sacred Stone Tablet Inscriptions", is not what Cuneiform was originally called. Despite the late term bastardizations by the Neosumerians, Lagashians, Akkadians and later Babylonians; The sacred inscriptions of the clay tablets is not exactly a language descriptor. It is likely that the earliest speakers of their language called their spoken word "Zi gur ha ti" Which translates to "Divided Noises of the Living". Therefore, the correct word for the written dialect would have been "Ki hur na ti" which translates to "The one script of earth". The Latinus Latins likely called it "Curto Forma", or perhaps a slightly different but identical term, taking into account the transitionary period between dead Latin and known Latin, which directly translates to "Abbreviated Shapes", likely because Phoenician Latin was not yet invented. These terms likely pre-date 8000b.c. and perhaps further.
So, where do the names of the pre-ice empires come from? Well, let's start with the easiest. "La ti na" when translated from single syllabic Sumerian means "People of the North". Another easier translation is "En Muš Za Num" Which translates to "Territory of Highland Snake Priests". This does not mean the priests were snakes. It means they worshipped snakes. The next one is a little bit more difficult. "A ta la na ti" translates from single syllabic Sumerian into "People who carry by way of water". The Last one was the most difficult. " Aš ta ra la" translates into "lonely hunters who drive us away" likely referring to the indigenous Aborigines.
In case you didn't already notice, these are third-party descriptors of surrounding territories. So, if none of the four heads are the origin of this very enigmatic language, then where does it come from? That's not exactly an easy answer to give. Between the legends of sunken continents like Zealandia, the massive impact hypothesis, the theoretical Younger Dryas, the bastardization of cultures, the romanization of languages, and the modernization of our own cultures and languages; we have no conclusive method of determining such things. But we do know that whoever they were, they had ways of describing everybody.
"A Nun Na Ki", translated from single syllabic into "People of the Great Flood Place". Whoever the originator of this language was, they knew of the flood and that people came from the flood. But this terminology suggests that the origin of this dialect is a society that was not affected by a massive flood event. What this place of the great flood was, there is no definitive conclusion. Perhaps it was Mauritia, or perhaps it was Zealandia. Perhaps it was North America. Perhaps it was Icelandia. Whatever the case may be, somebody came from somewhere that had a great flood.
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Megas Politismós - Identifying the areas of the four heads
Third Paratima of the Megas Historia Stulos
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The snake priests of the highlands. Who we call today "Aztec" and "Maya". Are they actually snakes? No, probably not. They more likely are a culture who worshiped snakes. Perhaps due to an early paleontological discovery from a stone quarry. Perhaps from introduced iconography. Whatever the case may be, these mysterious cultures are interesting for their terraced architecture and stonemasonry. It's likely that they had a great interest in geometry, as well as ayahuasca.
The people of the north. All of them. Likely referring to all of the northern equator territories. This implicates two things. The first is that there were multiple societies thriving in the northern hemisphere continents. The second is that whoever designed this language had not conducted extensive travel into those territories. They have no determinate descriptor, meaning they likely had no singular distinguishable feature, alluding to a very multicultural coexistence that was only interacted with a few times. The interactions were likely all with different cultural groups who sailed from the north to the south.
The hunters who drive us away. The Aborigines. This is perhaps the last remnant of a world that no longer exists. The modern Aborigines are a sacred and tragically small culture today, but they still provide insight into the world before us. They engage in traditions that they have always engaged in, passing them down through thousands of years of oral literature. I hope they continue to exist for thousands more.
The people who carry by way of water. The oasis of Atlantis. Now a crater visible from space known as the Richat structure. The land consists of nothing but rubble. The land screams tales of a massive asteroid impact that disintegrated everything within a 400 mile radius. Imagine a nuclear bomb the size of 80 nuclear bombs all exploding on the exact same impact zone at once. The survivors, who likely saw the impact of the asteroid from a great distance away, probably saw the explosion as it happened. Anything that was not immediately disintegrated was likely set on fire at such a tremendous heat that it was cremated. This impact also alkalinized the surrounding waters, killing the fertilization of the area and drastically reducing the population of the regional wildlife. There is no way to know what Atlantis was like before this impact, but it is likely that they conducted naval expeditions and trade. It was also not the only impact zone. You can see satellite imagery of the nearby Tinduf region to the north, which shows signs of minor comet impact burn. You can also see the remnants of a much larger area just to the east of the region of Bashar. Aside from the crack in the ground, the position southwest from the center of the impact shows signs of asteroid burn. There is also a patch of smaller asteroid burn to the east of Al Fuqaha. The entire northern region of Africa may have been struck by many large astrophysical bodies. Modern research would have you believe that the Richat structure was created by earthquakes, which is a pretty typical load of mainstream bullshit. It sits along a seismic hot zone, meaning it has been lifted by at least 12,800 years of earthquakes, but the obvious asteroid crater is obvious. Earthquakes may shift the ground, but they don't melt sand silicates into granite. Suggesting that a perfectly circular crater was created naturally by tremors is laughable at best.
The people of the great flood. Who they were and what they did is unknown, but we can infer a few things by examining satellite imagery of the northern hemisphere. The Baffin Bay, just to the north of Canada, to the west of Greenland. Take a few good looks at it from many different angles. Do you see what I see? That's right. Deserts and flooded landmasses right next to an arctic wonderland. The islands, though showing signs of life, are covered in dead wastelands and flooded ravines. It looks like a continent, likely sunken in the last 20,000 years by an asteroid strike on a glacial ice cap. I may also know exactly where. Turn your attention to the large perfectly formed circular canyon, north of Quebec between the Hudson Bay and the James Bay. Do you see what I see? Yes indeed, this is the site of our glacial asteroid impact. Just to the east, situated in a very small part of the forest, we find the clearwater lakes; the strike sight of stray debris. To the southeast, south of a place called Gagnon, we also see another minor impact site. I believe the land mass above Canada, the now flooded wasteland that sits to the west of Greenland, is the place of the great flood. It seems as though the earth was at one time caught within a stream of asteroids, likely not large enough to cause mass extinction, but large enough to terraform many large areas of land.
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Megas Pyxída - The Compas of the World
Fourth Paratima of the Megas Historia Stulos
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Picture it. You're a civilization travelling the sea. You haven't discovered the Compass yet, and you need a way to navigate through a series of large areas to conduct trade. Turn your attention to the island of Colonia, in the Federated States of Micronesia. Surrounding the scenic borders, submerged gracefully below the ocean and carved into the beaches, are a series of arrows with one pointing to every country in which you need to travel. The Spanish did, and they probably didn't build those arrows either. Here in the islands of Latina, we find a series of small cultures that all practice separate, but very similar dialects. 950 A.D.
The Yapese Empire, likely having evolved over hundreds if not thousands of years, discovers a series of neolithic arrows built along the landbridges connecting Yap to the various continents. They are not their own, but they follow along with them anyway. It is here where they discover that this series of arrows was once used as an illustrious trade route, and so; they reboot the program. I don't believe these deep underwater arrows are the work of creatures from within the last 2000 years. It's far more likely that they date back to around 8,000 years ago, or perhaps longer. But the idea that this island is being used as a natural landmark compass is such an intriguing thought.
How many other societies marked giant maps on the surface of the ground? How many other societies established routes along the land bridges? When homosapien walked among neanderthalis; was there a designated set of pathways being used to avoid the hunter gatherer territories? Or perhaps being used for the direction of tribe migration. The use of the marks, regardless, indicates one clear and amazing thing. Human beings, when presented with the challenge, will advance. Without magnet, without the understanding of polar north, we somehow managed to devise an incredible system of natural maps via large indicatory structures. Then, thousands of years later, it is rebooted into a trade route. Then, again almost 1400 years later, it is used again by the spanish to map the entirety of the world. How expansive were these land bridges, and were these directions the result of multiple societies or just one? Who designed the arrow shape used to point? Are the arrows mapped according to the positions of the stars for the sake of navigating the sea? Or are they pointing toward large masses of land that once used to be traversable on foot?
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Megas Eripia - Grave Robbers and Treasure Hunters
Fifth Paratima of the Megas Historia Stulos
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The bastardization of history is much like the bastardization of linguistics. As time evolves, and countries overthrow countries, and countries overthrow themselves, and territory expands, and languages evolve, and cultures evolve, and cultures go extinct, and cultures are recycled, the people of the world in a fit of displacement begin to search for meaning among the wreckage. This meaning becomes iconography to the budding archaeologist.
There is an argument to be made in favor of the many great archaeologists who have gone to great lengths to uncover the history of our world. But among them, the iconographists, treasure hunters, and grave robbers spend their days endlessly misinterpreting their own misinterpretations. They look for messages of gods and myths, or they engage on an endless conquest to prove that we are all just savages who erect concrete jungles. They desecrate the graves of the dead, and repatriate them into glass cases to be viewed as tourist attractions. They write unbelievable histories of myths, monsters, gods, kings, and the sudden eruption of humanity from hunter-gatherer to technological epoch of the universe.
These cruel bastardizations of the millions of histories of the world are the work of greed. People who seek treasure to hold on display. People who seek power through the infliction of fear by demonstrating that supernatural forces will unleash hell if they do not succumb. People who attempt to spin what took a very long time into a story of just a few thousand years. How many tombs are now empty, having been repatriated as mere objects in lands that are not their own? How many stories of kingdoms and politicians have been spun into stories of gods and magic? How many societies have been merged, broken, rebuilt and remerged? How many historians have had their accounts of history be bastardized into mythology and folklore? When does the eternal reconstruction of history come to an end, so that we may finally begin to work on discovering how it began?
How many people have been killed because a new religion is created by the misinterpretation of an archaeologist? All while they actively re-write history. Tearing down statues, building cities on top of ruins, cremating literary works. Then they claim to us that it never happened, and that these things they destroyed never actually existed. Now, in the age of technology, they are incapable of hiding their blatant bastardizations of history. The information is available to the would-be historian, genealogist, geologist, and pilgrim who would search for the history of the world without removing the remains of the dead. Without removing the positions of the artifacts. Those who emerge from the ashes of the dying breed of iconographist archaeology, they will be the ones to tell us how our world really began.
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Megas Metaphrase - The Horrible Handling of Translation and Transliteration
Sixth Paratima of the Megas Historia Stulos
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Cuneiform. Quite possibly the most bastardized form of language on the planet. Linguists of the modern age will tell you that it wasn't so different from the languages of today. Archaeologists will tell you that it was deciphered using a related language. There are conflicting reports about whether it's made of black granite, or black granodiorite. Among these pieces of misinformation is the truth. A truth that is quite shocking.
Let's start with the linguists. There's no denying that we have a stark group of people who specialize in languages and language development, but those people are missing something important to the supposed time of Cuneiform. Perspective. Consider human beings for a moment. Is there a reality in which we develop a highly advanced language with per-word clay stamp sticks *before* we develop languages with simpler letter symbols? Who made the stamp sticks? Who designed the complex letters? How many years did it take to perfect Cuneiform before the Epic of Gilgamesh was written? Who taught the writer how to stamp Cuneiform into bricks? If it was written with stamp sticks, then how do we know what words are supposed to be comprised of multiple syllables? These questions, regardless of the validity, are often met with snarky remarks such as "that's just not how it's translated" without actually providing proof or information further.
Of course, I don't blame them. The linguists really just work with what they have. Their goal isn't to provide a perspective on ancient languages. Their goal is to look at supposed translations of ancient languages, and later determine how sentence structure and articulation likely sounded based on what they're given. This is transliteration. Or, in other words; This is bullshit interpreted from other unverifiable bullshit. Transliterators are almost never given complete languages to work with, leading to words like "bar" having 20 separate unrelated definitions. So, who is really responsible for the accepted translation of cuneiform?
Ancient Sumerian Cuneiform was translated using Old Persian Cuneiform. Old Persian Cuneiform doesn't actually have any relation to Sumerian Cuneiform, despite claims that "la" was somehow derivative. Their letters aren't even close to similar, but that's a small mistake contained in the greater bullshit of the whole thing. The reality is that Old Persian Cuneiform also had to be translated, and that never actually happened. The accepted translation of Old Persian Cuneiform was assembled with guesses. Yes. They guessed at it, and some people made wild claims that are completely unverifiable. One explorer claimed that Old Persian Cuneiform was made from three separate alphabets, which cannot be verified. Other morons claimed to have deciphered individual words and they were accepted to be the truth, despite the fact that their sources were, themselves, unable to prove what they were claiming.
The undeniable and unfortunate reality is that Cuneiform has never really been deciphered correctly. But so many guesses have been made that we can make an assumption based on that. Unfortunately; Archaeologists are really bent on selling their narrative. I'll lay it out and then tell you exactly why it's bullshit.
The Archaeological narrative: For billions of years, bacteria evolved into a series of giant birds, giant lizards, giant mammals, and giant fish. Then one day, a giant rock came crashing down from space and killed everything. Somehow, homo sapiens emerged from this because all of the small animals apparently didn't die, only the big ones. Then for 300,000 years, homo sapiens spent %100 of their time hunting, gathering and migrating using stone tools, broken volcanic glass, bones and sticks. Then suddenly, as if from nowhere, human beings erupted into large kingdoms with fully developed languages, complete architectural knowledge, alchemy, astronomy, animal husbandry, and agriculture. They then erected thousands of megalithic buildings, all within the same 500 years, and then nature buried it all. We just said "fuck it" and did it all again.
So, despite the fact that we have never actually had any real resources to transcribe cuneiform, archaeologists clung to and accepted the stories of gods, monsters, legends and whatever other Homeric style epic they could sell to the public. This is proven and displayed by the fact that I, we, you are not allowed to attempt to translate Cuneiform today. You can try, for sure. But regardless of how logical it is; your translation will never be accepted as a contribution. Sure, theories about aliens and ghosts and monsters and gods are accepted as accurate translations of things. But a realistic story depicting humanity doing what humanity still does will be laughed at, shunned, and outright insulted.
The grand ego of the modern Archaeologist bastardizer is to assume that we must be the most advanced human civilization to exist. That's why you'll never hear them talk about their re-discoveries. They unearth a massive society that once had a thriving population. They learn of the technology they used, and how they performed government. They call it a "discovery" as if the humans who built it didn't actually exist there first. They uncover old things, present them as new, and then perpetuate lies like "we invented the battery" or "Euclid was the first mathematician to develop geometry". For the record; the oldest battery in the world was discovered in Parthian in Iraq. It was Sumerian. The oldest documentation of geometry was also unearthed in Sumeria, presumed to be Babylonian.
This segment had two points:
-Sumerian was translated from a translation of a translation of a translation of a set of guesses. "Scholars" then declared that it was proof when they agreed with each other about these guesses in private settings with no public review. If you think they were wrong, they think you are wrong.
-Stories of humanity are often shunned in favor of gods and monsters. Museums make more money that way. They don't want gradual stories of humanity. They want grandiose stories of apocalypses, gods, cloud cities, and men who throw lightning from their fingertips. They want massive destruction stories that make us the underdog of the big asteroid. They want us to look like we were simultaneously smart enough to evolve, but too stupid to plant anything for 300,000 years. In the case of the Great Sphinx; they want us to believe that the wind both created the body and buried the entire statue because just believing that humans could have done it is not epic enough. As if by the hand of God, nature erected a lion statue and the men just found it and fucked with it until it was shiny.
The greatest disrespect we show to our ancestors is the assumption that they were stupid. They were the furthest from stupid a species could be. They were incredibly intelligent, and our entire society is built on the work that they did. Science and mathematics don't exist without our ancestors from thousands of years ago who developed the practices. Architecture doesn't exist without thousands of years of trial and error, and we totally abandoned their hard work in favor of cheap rebar cement towers. Much of our history has been erased by idiot leaders who would rather portray their own society as the great discoverers of things. Today, every major country in the world attempts to claim the discovery of topics that were likely discovered 10,000 years ago or more. It's sad.
Paratima is a bastardization of the Greek word παράτυμος, or paratymos. It means irregular, unusual or abnormal. I chose to define this bastardized word because the invention of language is not owned by anybody. Paratima is defined as:
Irregular Bastardization.